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Going out on a date can be really exciting and enjoyable especially when you’re having the time of your life with your date. The key factor in great dates is great conversation. Striking up a conversation with the other person can put too much pressure on you especially if you know so little about them. This is one reason why you and your date should start asking questions about one another to get to know each other on a deeper level.

When you found something in common between you, this could be the start of a great conversation. Share you experiences and your interests, let them know and let them feel that you’re interested and you’re interesting. Ask open ended questions. These questions are not simply answerable by yes or no but by deep conversational messages. Through this, you will have a good idea about the person’s intellectual level as well as their sense of humor, if there’s any. Having the same wavelength of thinking is one of the crucial factors in successful relationships. You’d want to spend the rest of your life with someone who you can talk to about serious matters at the same time make you laugh, right?

Probably one of the best conversation starters involves sharing one or more sms in your mobile phone. You could start with Hey, you know what? A friend recently sent me this funny sms. I can’t stop laughing all day when I read it,” and then show her the message on your mobile phone.

You can also share some love quotes with her. You could start talking about it like, “When I read this love quote on my mobile phone, I knew I had to ask you out on a date. I was struck with it so hard that even if I was a bit shy, I mustered enough courage to ask you out. Here is why,” and then show the love quote that inspired you to be brave enough to ask her out. This gesture will surely melt the girl’s heart and you’ll notice her blush while reading the love quote. If you’re lucky enough, she would be starting to fall for you because of what you told her.

If you are still quite unsure how to start the flow of communication, you can begin by complimenting your date. Saying something nice to a guy is easier than complimenting a girl. If you comment on his appearance or his car, it will instantly break the ice and will send a message that you like him. Complimenting a girl can be complicated. Don’t just use average words because it would only mean that she looks plain. The tip here is to sound exhilarated and excited when you say something nice about her. Don’t over do it though, you might sound creepy enough and scare her off.

If you have a good sense of humor, take advantage of it. Laughter is a great ice breaker and you’d be surprised at how powerful it can be to help you connect with you date. Believe it or not, both of you are nervous. It is okay to let your date know that you’re nervous. Since your date feels that same way, he’ll start letting his guard down to be comfortable with you.

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At a recent event, I met a speaker and consultant who told me her specialty is leadership and communications development. Perhaps “met” is the wrong word to describe our exchange. “Listen to her tell me all about herself ” is a more accurate description of our all – too – long one – way conversation. Once she had finished with her autobiography, she looked over my shoulder and spied another target of opportunity. And away she went without asking a single question about me. It may not be fair, but her conduct reminded me of the saying ” you can tell a lot about the kind of person someone is by watching how they treat people they believe can neither do them any harm or any good.”

I suspect she made “contact” with at least twenty people at this event – I suspect most of her “conversations” were the same as mine.

That kind of behavior has probably cost her more valuable contacts and relationships than anything else she could do. And I’ll bet she has no clue. By definition, one – way conversations don’t provide much feedback.

One – way conversations make it easy to come to the conclusion that the person doing the talking thinks they have more to say than the listener does. It may be a bad conclusion to draw, but it’s a very human one. And in arriving at that conclusion, potential relationships slips away.

We’re all guilty of “all talk and no listen” behavior from time to time. Excitement, nervousness, passion and commitment, exposure to new stuff , the assumption that we share the same interests – all can lead to one way conversations. And as long as they’re the exception and not the rule, that’s OK. Most people like to see excitement, conviction and other positive emotions in communications with others. But we all want to see a curiosity about us – as well. Failing that, we tend to draw conclusions – negative ones – about the person who goes on about themselves.

To check out your own behavior, after a conversation, ask yourself one question. “What have I learned from this conversation?” Your answer will tell you whether you had a two way or a one way conversation.

The good news is that one – way conversation behavior is very curable.

The cure starts with the belief that everyone has something to offer. That’s key to two way conversations – and developing relationships.

Then the engaging behavior – an example:

A friend who has terrific engagement skills always starts by introducing herself and asking the other person their name. She then repeats their name and gives her ten second “what do I do or who I am ” statement. Whenever possible she compliments or remarks on something about the person she is talking to. By offering that information she opens the door to her conversation partner sharing the same kind of information. Then, she will ask a “how, what, when or where” question relevant to the event or venue. She avoids “why” questions as too intrusive, particularly at the beginning of the conversation. Her goal is to create conversation on a personal, but not too personal level. From that point on, the conversation will flow – or not. It’s important to realize that not everyone responds to good engagement skills. If they don’t, she tells them it was good meeting them, and goes looking for someone else to engage. Her goal in every conversation is to give and get. To give information about herself and to get information by showing a genuine interest in what the other person does and who they are.

It sounds like such a simple behavior, and yet it’s amazing how often people give information – on the assumption that what they have to say has so much value – but they don’t think to get information. They lack the belief that everyone has something to share. It’s the difference between being a living, breathing billboard, and being a living, breathing, engaging, unique person with a curious and courteous nature.

Which one would you rather be?

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Andy Cox helps his clients select and develop teams and talent. He focuses on helping leaders and emerging leaders define and develop their skills and talents using goals. He can be reached at www.coxconsultgroup.com , or at acox@coxconsultgroup.com

Indulge his inner Superman

Every man secretly longs to play super-hero and save the day. That’s why one of the best ways to get him talking is to ask for his help in solving a problem, whether it’s a work snafu or a friendship crisis. Even if you’re not looking for a solution, make him feel important.

Dream big together

It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day minutiae of life and forget to talk about big things like your innermost dreams. (Remember those?) But, it’s super-bonding to talk and think about the future you’re building together. Dreams are like big plans. Sharing them is a way of saying, “I am happy and want you right there with me in every step of the way.”

Really listen

Hey, it’s only normal to zone out after, ‘How was your day?’ But focus and you’ll catch a tidbit that opens into a convo. One easy trick that will help you stay totally tuned in at that critical moment – repeat your partner’s answer as a question. “Your meeting has been postponed again?” Saying his words aloud forces you to register their meaning, and practically guarantees he’ll elaborate.

Chat him up in the car

Ever notice how your most surprising conversations happen on the interstate? It’s no accident – guys are most likely to free-associate when they’re partly occupied (even if it’s just killing time until they get into the range of a good radio station). There’s a reason: Men are more likely to open up when they don’t have to make eye contact, confirm studies. In the male world, eye contact is confrontational. Looking straight ahead makes him feel more comfortable.

Drop a juicy tidbit

Here’s a get-closer move you really wouldn’t expect: Share a hot piece of gossip with him before you tell any of your girlfriends. While most men pretend not to care about other people’s private lives, a recent study from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that guys actually eat gossip up more than women do.

Play “What if…”

Want to know him on a whole new level? Run a personality-revealing question by him. A few of our favourites: If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you choose? or If you had to eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Who knows, you may even pick up an insider gift tip or fresh date-night idea.

Bring up five happy things for every problem

Sure, it’s important to get problems out in the open. But the happiest couples dwell much more on what’s right in their little world than what’s wrong. Research has found that the strongest couples actually make five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. No need to keep a tally; just remember to keep the complaints to a minimum on a daily basis. And make a habit of hitting happy notes.

Feel-good moves

Why get hands-on with your man? Touching causes a physiological reaction – it gets oxytocin, the hormone that creates feelings of connection, flowing.

Hitch a piggyback ride

No instructions needed – just sneak up from behind him, throw your arms around his neck and hop on. Snuggling tight and nuzzling the back of his neck seals the deal.

Overlap your morning shower

Agreed: Sharing a shower is not sexy. But tag-teaming it – meaning you don’t get out until your guy gets in – is far sexier than you’d think. Share a quick kiss before hopping out or invent your own special ‘tag’. Not in a big rush? Even better: Lounge around until your husband is out of his shower, then open your towel and warm him up.

Flirt shamelessly… with your own man

The next time you two are at a crowded party together, or even lazing around one crazy Saturday afternoon, accidentally brush against him.

Get warm and cozy the old-fashioned way

So the air-conditioning made it a little chilly inside that restaurant or movie theater? Instead of wrapping yourself up and getting out of there, tell him “you’re a bit cold, smother your face against his chest, and let his body heat get you warm.

Make TV time together a turn-on…

…by idly tending to a few unexpected erogenous zones on your guy’s body. First, lightly trace delicate circles on each of his wrists. Next, let your touch wander to the tippity-top of each of his fingers.

Date-night makeovers

Date nights are great – until they start to get a little too routine. Solution: Break out of the Saturday-night-at-8 box. Trying anything new wakes up the brain, say researchers, “It releases dopamine, which gets you both excited.”

Plan a top-secret, super-confidential date

One of you is always picking the movie or calling to make the dinner reservations. So bust out of the rut: Every Friday or Saturday for the next month or two, trade off surprising each other with hush-hush romantic outings.

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Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and he provides relationship tips and help for singles and married couples at his website www.womendatingmanual.com. Also, visit his latest updated section on dating and relationship articles where you can contribute your own thoughts and comments to be published online.

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Julian Foxx is considered to be the fastest Rising Star in the dating community. His jaw dropping effectiveness with women is matched by his ability to innovate powerful new techniques and dating tips for men, giving their user a ridiculously unfair advantage. To read Julian’s controversial ideas on the Mystery VH1 show ‘The Pickup Artist’ go to www.julianfoxx.com/mystery-vh1