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At a recent event, I met a speaker and consultant who told me her specialty is leadership and communications development. Perhaps “met” is the wrong word to describe our exchange. “Listen to her tell me all about herself ” is a more accurate description of our all – too – long one – way conversation. Once she had finished with her autobiography, she looked over my shoulder and spied another target of opportunity. And away she went without asking a single question about me. It may not be fair, but her conduct reminded me of the saying ” you can tell a lot about the kind of person someone is by watching how they treat people they believe can neither do them any harm or any good.”

I suspect she made “contact” with at least twenty people at this event – I suspect most of her “conversations” were the same as mine.

That kind of behavior has probably cost her more valuable contacts and relationships than anything else she could do. And I’ll bet she has no clue. By definition, one – way conversations don’t provide much feedback.

One – way conversations make it easy to come to the conclusion that the person doing the talking thinks they have more to say than the listener does. It may be a bad conclusion to draw, but it’s a very human one. And in arriving at that conclusion, potential relationships slips away.

We’re all guilty of “all talk and no listen” behavior from time to time. Excitement, nervousness, passion and commitment, exposure to new stuff , the assumption that we share the same interests – all can lead to one way conversations. And as long as they’re the exception and not the rule, that’s OK. Most people like to see excitement, conviction and other positive emotions in communications with others. But we all want to see a curiosity about us – as well. Failing that, we tend to draw conclusions – negative ones – about the person who goes on about themselves.

To check out your own behavior, after a conversation, ask yourself one question. “What have I learned from this conversation?” Your answer will tell you whether you had a two way or a one way conversation.

The good news is that one – way conversation behavior is very curable.

The cure starts with the belief that everyone has something to offer. That’s key to two way conversations – and developing relationships.

Then the engaging behavior – an example:

A friend who has terrific engagement skills always starts by introducing herself and asking the other person their name. She then repeats their name and gives her ten second “what do I do or who I am ” statement. Whenever possible she compliments or remarks on something about the person she is talking to. By offering that information she opens the door to her conversation partner sharing the same kind of information. Then, she will ask a “how, what, when or where” question relevant to the event or venue. She avoids “why” questions as too intrusive, particularly at the beginning of the conversation. Her goal is to create conversation on a personal, but not too personal level. From that point on, the conversation will flow – or not. It’s important to realize that not everyone responds to good engagement skills. If they don’t, she tells them it was good meeting them, and goes looking for someone else to engage. Her goal in every conversation is to give and get. To give information about herself and to get information by showing a genuine interest in what the other person does and who they are.

It sounds like such a simple behavior, and yet it’s amazing how often people give information – on the assumption that what they have to say has so much value – but they don’t think to get information. They lack the belief that everyone has something to share. It’s the difference between being a living, breathing billboard, and being a living, breathing, engaging, unique person with a curious and courteous nature.

Which one would you rather be?

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Andy Cox helps his clients select and develop teams and talent. He focuses on helping leaders and emerging leaders define and develop their skills and talents using goals. He can be reached at www.coxconsultgroup.com , or at acox@coxconsultgroup.com

Indulge his inner Superman

Every man secretly longs to play super-hero and save the day. That’s why one of the best ways to get him talking is to ask for his help in solving a problem, whether it’s a work snafu or a friendship crisis. Even if you’re not looking for a solution, make him feel important.

Dream big together

It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day minutiae of life and forget to talk about big things like your innermost dreams. (Remember those?) But, it’s super-bonding to talk and think about the future you’re building together. Dreams are like big plans. Sharing them is a way of saying, “I am happy and want you right there with me in every step of the way.”

Really listen

Hey, it’s only normal to zone out after, ‘How was your day?’ But focus and you’ll catch a tidbit that opens into a convo. One easy trick that will help you stay totally tuned in at that critical moment – repeat your partner’s answer as a question. “Your meeting has been postponed again?” Saying his words aloud forces you to register their meaning, and practically guarantees he’ll elaborate.

Chat him up in the car

Ever notice how your most surprising conversations happen on the interstate? It’s no accident – guys are most likely to free-associate when they’re partly occupied (even if it’s just killing time until they get into the range of a good radio station). There’s a reason: Men are more likely to open up when they don’t have to make eye contact, confirm studies. In the male world, eye contact is confrontational. Looking straight ahead makes him feel more comfortable.

Drop a juicy tidbit

Here’s a get-closer move you really wouldn’t expect: Share a hot piece of gossip with him before you tell any of your girlfriends. While most men pretend not to care about other people’s private lives, a recent study from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that guys actually eat gossip up more than women do.

Play “What if…”

Want to know him on a whole new level? Run a personality-revealing question by him. A few of our favourites: If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you choose? or If you had to eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Who knows, you may even pick up an insider gift tip or fresh date-night idea.

Bring up five happy things for every problem

Sure, it’s important to get problems out in the open. But the happiest couples dwell much more on what’s right in their little world than what’s wrong. Research has found that the strongest couples actually make five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. No need to keep a tally; just remember to keep the complaints to a minimum on a daily basis. And make a habit of hitting happy notes.

Feel-good moves

Why get hands-on with your man? Touching causes a physiological reaction – it gets oxytocin, the hormone that creates feelings of connection, flowing.

Hitch a piggyback ride

No instructions needed – just sneak up from behind him, throw your arms around his neck and hop on. Snuggling tight and nuzzling the back of his neck seals the deal.

Overlap your morning shower

Agreed: Sharing a shower is not sexy. But tag-teaming it – meaning you don’t get out until your guy gets in – is far sexier than you’d think. Share a quick kiss before hopping out or invent your own special ‘tag’. Not in a big rush? Even better: Lounge around until your husband is out of his shower, then open your towel and warm him up.

Flirt shamelessly… with your own man

The next time you two are at a crowded party together, or even lazing around one crazy Saturday afternoon, accidentally brush against him.

Get warm and cozy the old-fashioned way

So the air-conditioning made it a little chilly inside that restaurant or movie theater? Instead of wrapping yourself up and getting out of there, tell him “you’re a bit cold, smother your face against his chest, and let his body heat get you warm.

Make TV time together a turn-on…

…by idly tending to a few unexpected erogenous zones on your guy’s body. First, lightly trace delicate circles on each of his wrists. Next, let your touch wander to the tippity-top of each of his fingers.

Date-night makeovers

Date nights are great – until they start to get a little too routine. Solution: Break out of the Saturday-night-at-8 box. Trying anything new wakes up the brain, say researchers, “It releases dopamine, which gets you both excited.”

Plan a top-secret, super-confidential date

One of you is always picking the movie or calling to make the dinner reservations. So bust out of the rut: Every Friday or Saturday for the next month or two, trade off surprising each other with hush-hush romantic outings.

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Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and he provides relationship tips and help for singles and married couples at his website www.womendatingmanual.com. Also, visit his latest updated section on dating and relationship articles where you can contribute your own thoughts and comments to be published online.

Men always find it difficult to search for some dating tips that would help them out on their first dates; this is because men usually don’t talk about such kind of issues together with their male friends. Well, men do not really have to search for some dating tips from another man. In fact, it would be a lot better searching for these tips from some other sources like books, internet, or from your closest girl friends who can honestly tell you the things that you should and should not do.

Free Dating Tips for Men: Internet Source

Free dating tips for men are always in much availability over the internet. There are available sources for the particular tips that you need such as what to buy for your date, what to wear for the specific place that you’re going to, dating tips for shy guys, topics that you should discuss on your first meeting, and a lot more. By simply browsing over the internet, you get to have loads of free dating tips for men.

Free Dating Tips for Men: Books

Another source for free dating tips for men would be books. In your city library, you can borrow a book or two about dating to keep you well informed about the things that should be done on a first date. As the book is only borrowed, you still retain the benefit of getting good advices from a free source. Books are usually very helpful and informative about the dating guidelines. It can even provide you with some information about the traditional and modern day dating depending on the preference of your date.

Free Dating Tips For Men: From Your Girl Friends

If you find it a bit odd to search for free dating tips for men over the internet or the library, then you can choose to find free tips from your closest girl friends. They would surely know what to tell you and what to advice you because they are, after all, girls themselves. So if you can find no other helpful source for free dating tips for men, then it is about time that you ask your girl friends about the matter.

Perhaps the reason why you should ask girls for their opinion is because they are experts on the topic already. You will get to know what a woman wants from a date and you will also be educated about the things that she hates the most in dating. As they are women themselves, you will know how they react to things such as roses, chocolates and teddy bears. But of course, you have to keep in mind that not all women are the same. While one may like chocolates, the other may prefer something else like gummies or cakes. So to further expand on your dating research, know more about your date and the things she likes; this way, you wouldn’t keep on guessing about the kind of date that she prefers.

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For more information and the best dating tips in the world for guys, please visit my Dating Advice Website

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the Alpha Male Blog. For a crashcourse on juicy pickuplines, visit Pickup Lines Blog.

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Julian Foxx is considered to be the fastest Rising Star in the dating community. His jaw dropping effectiveness with women is matched by his ability to innovate powerful new techniques and dating tips for men, giving their user a ridiculously unfair advantage. To read Julian’s controversial ideas on the Mystery VH1 show ‘The Pickup Artist’ go to www.julianfoxx.com/mystery-vh1